6am always feels thrilling.
Not the good kind of thrill,
not
    like riding a roller coaster
or when you look into
 someone's eyes right before you kiss.
It feels dangerous,
    like hanging off a cliff only held by a thread,
or like you're about to get hit by a train,
    like a glimpse into what life is
for the few seconds right before it goes away
   and you're left with nothing.
    Like playing poker,
depending on luck because you're bad at bluffing
   and you just bet everything you have,
         simply because
          you
               decided to
                              stay awake.

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Wrote a thing an hour or two before I fell asleep after being up all night. I like to think it's good but maybe it's because I've had about 3 or 4 hours of sleep but I typed it up anyway.

Life is still... complicated. It's weird, and messy, and frankly I don't wanna deal with any of that. So I'm just kind of there, floating around and being lost. I'm full of words yet I say the same things over and over again, they won't get out of my head, they won't let me rest for a bit while I'm awake. Nothing makes sense. It feels like my entire personality, my life, my interests, everything is fake.


I wish I had a more positive note to end this on but I've had the worst months of my life, and very little sleep, so I'll just leave it here.